Something I have never been good at is asking for help. So now that I need help it is so difficult, even to ask for a cup of tea. I sit here wanting a drink and knowing that I can get up and can make one for myself but that it will hurt. So being me I go and make it, hurt myself and then get fed up.
The way my brain works is that if someone wants to make you a drink they will offer. I am well known in our house for always having a large cup of tea on the table by me.
Then there is the times when someone offers to make you a drink, but then forgets that they said they would make it. If I ask then I feel as if I am nagging. After all whatever it is they are doing must be important to them if it causes them to forget that they were making me a cup of tea.
It is hard to adapt to a new way of life. To always have to rely on others for things. Not able to go out unless I can use my sons car. I qualify for a car myself now, but have some forms that need filling in. I need some help to finish it off as I need info from other people. But there is a limit to how many times you can ask. Also if the other person is busy then one has to wait until it is a convenient time for them. But on the other hand if I don’t keep on nagging then is it my fault that the forms have not been sent off? Is it unreasonable to expect others to remember that I need help with a form?
I find it so frustrating to keep on having to rely on others to help me. I find it even harder to have to do things in someone else’s timing and not being able to just do what I want when I want.
Gone is the ability to just go out when I want to. I have to find out if my son is using his car, or if I can borrow it.
Today I needed to go out shopping to get a present for the teacher as school finishes on Friday. But as my husband was going out later he did not want to go when it suited me. So I went out with out sons. But of course they had their own plans. So I ended up having to cope with shopping and then put the small amount of shopping in the car. It was only a couple of bags and nothing heavy. But by the time I got home I was hurting so much. My back was causing me big problems because it hurts so much.
One day I might get used to my limitations. I often wonder if I would find it easier if it was something else wrong with me.
