After the last week I am so tired, it is like my batteries are almost flat. Also the pain I am in is indescribable. Yesterday we went to a wedding. I was not sure if I was going to go and when, Thursday night I realised that I did not have anything to wear it seemed like I was  not going to go. But Friday I managed to get up and showered by 8am and then go to a local store that opens at 8. I could not wait for the clothes shops to open at 9 because the wedding was at 10. I got an outfit and was home before 8:30, this included time to try on the clothes.

We got to the wedding at 9:45. So I had time to talk to friends. One lady at the church has some of the same health problems I do, but we also have some different conditions. She talked about how she is going to have to go to London (about 30 miles) every fortnight for 18 months for physio. The physio is to induce the awful dizzy/vertigo episodes she has so that her brain can learn how to cope.

Whilst talking I told about how difficult it was shopping on Wednesday. They told me that they go to the shopability (I think that is what they said it is called) and hire an electric scooter.  Now whilst I know it makes sense, and if I were talking to someone else I would suggest they did it, for me it is not something that I feel right about. After all I know I can walk, albeit slowly and with pain, I can walk a bit. To me these things are for those who cannot walk. But of course that is not right. They are for those who struggle, who find it difficult. Well that is me.

I spent a lot of time last night thinking about these scooters. Should I use one or not? Is it just pride that is keeping me from using it?

I know that it is logical to use a scooter, after all the other option is to never go to this shopping centre again. But having to face reality of how much worse I have got is hard. To face that pain and problems with mobility are the future when I try and do things like going out, is not easy to do. In my head I am still as able as I was five years ago.  But of course when I try and do things reality shows me that I am not able to do things I want to.

It is hard to accept some changes.