It is a question that is asked of people every day,

How Are You?

But how do you answer this question when the truth is most days, in so much pain I don’t know what to do, or I feel awful? Most people really don’t want to hear that, they want to hear that you are OK. Or indeed they did not even really expect an answer. I will never forget one day actually telling one lady the truth. She was always saying ‘How are you?’ So I told her that I was really badly in pain that day. As she moved on to the next person that she was going to talk to she said to me ‘Good good.’ in other words she did not even wait to listen to the answer.

I wish people would not ask this question if they do not really want to know. Or if they are not able to cope with the answer. My usual answer is not too bad because people really do not want to be listening to a list of someone else’s problems. Some people do look at me and say and what is the truth. One man we used to know (he died last year) was the sort of person that others walked by. He looked a bit unkempt, but he would always make me tell him the truth. He had problems of his own health wise, and yet he always had time to listen to other people’s problems. It got to the stage where whichever of us asked the other one first how they are, they would follow up with ‘and the truth is’???

So if someone asks me today what should I say? Should I tell the truth that I did not sleep properly last night? Should I tell that I have so much pain down my left side that I do not know what to do with myself. The morphine has not stopped it hurting, which raises the question am I getting immune to morphine, or is it just that I am having a bad pain day?

Last night I had a bath because of the pain in my back. The idea was to try and soak and relax the muscles and joints. What actually happened is that when I was trying to dry myself I felt a sharp pain in my left wrist and the wrist and hand has been painful since.

I do not think that I will be going out anywhere today, I am having enough trouble walking in the house let alone going out. It is a lovely day, but I cannot walk well enough to go out plus I am scared that I will make the pain even worse.

This is not a pity party today. I am trying to put into words what it is like to be in constant pain.

The problem is that unless you look bad people do not think there is anything wrong. If I had been in an accident and broken bones then people would be able to see that I was hurt. But there is nothing for others to see so how can they understand that whilst I look as fit and healthy as they are I am in constant pain?

Also I am not truthful about how much it hurts. Why bother others, would they be able to do anything? No they would not. Also it would upset them to know what it is really like, so I keep on doing things and not admitting how difficult it is these days.

Today though the pain is too severe to hide. Nothing is helping. I have tried laying down, sitting up, even walking to see if it helps. But everything I do is agony. So today I will stay home and read and watch TV whilst doing stuff on my computer. I will not go out so I will not see anyone and that means I will not have to answer the question.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?