Yesterday I went to a local shopping centre. It is what Americans call a mall as the shops are all undercover. It is a while since I was last there and I assumed that I could sit and have a coffee whilst the kids went off a shopped. But of course our daughter needed someone to help her. She was able to chose what she wanted and to try it on, but just did not want to shop alone.

Trouble is that meant I would have to go around one shop with her and stand and wait whilst she tried on clothes. How long does it take to try on a pair of jeans and a shirt?

We got that and got some underwear and went to pay. That was when she told me she needed a pair of shoes and there were none in that shop that she liked. I thought we had sorted out that she already had some suitable shoes.

I went to a shop to look for something for me as I have two weddings to go to. One tomorrow and one the Saturday after, so in the space of a week and a day I need to wear something at both weddings. Anyone who knows me would know that my wardrobe consists of jeans and tops. I am a jeans and t-shirt woman. I have always said that if I were to marry again it would be jeans and t-shirt for me. Guests could wear what they wanted including the minister. I would want a church blessing. But for me comfort in clothes is important, and I do not feel right in a skirt.

I was so tired by the time I got to the shop I wanted to look in. Everything seemed so expensive and I just could not get enough energy to try anything on so I went to get a coffee. At the refreshments area I realised that I had a bottle of drink in the car so why not go and sit there? After all it was outside, so plenty of fresh air, and I could lay the seat back.

That was when my mobile rang. Daughter still wanted shoes. We went a couple of shops, but they were either not the right style or way out of our budget. Even in the sale they were £60!

We found a pair of sandals that ‘would do’ and I went to sit down in the car whilst she paid. I felt bad leaving her to queue up and pay as I know she does not like to do that. Then she was going to have to go to another floor for the exit. Then find the car in the massive car park. So I was really relieved when I found my eldest son in his wheelchair at the top of the escalator. He sat and waited for her. Eventually all the kids were back in the car.

We had intended to go to Ikea to get some new plates. We really need new ones as our plates and bowls are getting chipped and look old now. But I was in so much pain and exhausted that my eldest drove us straight home.

He made comment about half way home. I had not said anything and he thought I was asleep. I am the worlds worst for back seat driving and am usually making comments about how close he is to other cars. I know that my spacial awareness has changed with APS. It is still safe to drive as I think everything is closer than it is. So apart from being more careful than before I am not about to scratch into other cars because I do not know how big my one is.

Last night three of the kids went out with a list and money I had given them and we all had fish and chips. Even thinking about what to cook was too difficult.

Our daughter asked today why we had fish and chips last night. She is used to it being a treat as when you are buying for six people it is not a cheap option. She was really concerned when I said it was because I was feeling so worn out from shopping.

It made me sad to realise how difficult ordinary things that I used to take for granted, have become. I was trying to work out what I could do to make things easier. Of course there is an option to borrow a wheelchair but of course I find that an unpleasant option. You see I know I can walk, albeit not far and not without pain. But to me wheelchairs are for those who cannot walk at all. Even though our son uses a wheelchair when we are out and he can walk, it still seems the wrong thing for me. Almost like I was making things up. The other option is to not go out. that again is not an option. I will not let this trap me.

Today I am going to our local town to try and get something to wear at the weddings. If I don’t get something today I will not be attending the wedding tomorrow. The difference is that my husband is coming with me. I can hold his hand and he will carry bags for me and make it as easy for me as he can.

As for what to do next time. I just do not know. I have to go in a month to get our daughter new school uniform. I know I could send her with someone else. But who? Her dad is a typical man who does not like clothes shopping, and anyway most girls want a female with them. I could ask my mother, but then mum would feel responsible for what our daughter bought. She might worry that it was too short/reveling in other words wrong.

Also it is something that I want to do, mother daughter shopping can be fun. I do not know how I will solve this problem. But I will have to sort out